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Every once in a while, I’ll see a commercial telling everyone to have a disaster plan, just in case your house catches on fire, or there’s a flood, or earthquake or something. I suppose that’s a good idea. Be prepared. So I thought I’d share the disaster plan me and my neighbor came up with.

If a zombie attack catches you by surprise, always move up. Zombies have problems climbing, so if you make it to a roof, you should be able to hold out for a while. Keep an extendable ladder in your bedroom, so you can climb down when things get under control, or if you need to move to a different roof, you can just use the ladder as a bridge.

When zombies attack, they will most likely attack large population centers first, so you’re more likely to survive if you are living on the outskirts of town. If you have to live near people, try to find a neighborhood with a large population of rednecks. They’ll probably already have large supplies of weapons and canned food, so it’ll save you some looting.

Chances are you will get about a three day warning before the zombies actually arrive in your area, so you will have time to stock up. Hit sporting goods stores first. Shotguns and ammunition are the first things you should pick up, but don’t forget a water purifier and a generator. The water supply will most likely be contaminated by dead bodies, and the electricity will probably fail within the first day. After sporting goods, head to the supermarket and grab anything you can get your hands on. Then stock up on as much gasoline as you can. Install a cowcatcher on the front of your escape vehicle. When the zombies arrive, the roads will be filled with undead and fleeing pedestrians, and you can’t afford to stop to replace a wheel or tire.

When the zombie attack hits, make sure you have your escape route planned. Pick up family and friends who have something to offer, and head to the hospital and grab some doctors and medical supplies. Don’t forget to pick up a mechanic and an electrician! When you start your new civilization, you’ll need trained professionals to make sure things are running smoothly. Head to the nearest coast guard, and grab a few patrol boats. A patrol boat is the perfect mode of escape, as zombies are slow swimmers, and each patrol boat has at least one M60 machine gun on board, perfect for mowing down undead and desperate refugees alike. Drive your patrol boat to the nearest major port, and hijack a cargo ship, oil tanker, or cruise liner. Any one of these can support a small group for a reasonably long time. Wait out the zombie invasion in your ship, or head to a remote location and attempt to rebuild society; it’s up to you.